S1: EP 002: Dementia is a team game

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00:00:00:00 - 00:00:45:04
Unknown
Hi. What the hell, Tech listeners? I'm your host today. Paul Johnson. This is the podcast where we tackle some of the challenges, best ideas, best practice within the health and social care world. Today I'm joined by Big Ian Donaghy. Big Ian is a speaker, a doer. He works tirelessly to raise awareness of dementia and combat loneliness. He taught young people with learning difficulties for 20 years and spent the last ten years in the world of care.

00:00:45:06 - 00:01:12:16
Unknown
In this episode, we're going to find out more about the amazing work Ian does and how we can help him raise awareness of such important topics outside of his work. Ian's married has spent the last 32 years as the lead singer of the band Huge filling theaters all over the place. He's a huge sports fan, especially basketball, as his son plays for York.

00:01:12:18 - 00:01:33:03
Unknown
Hi and welcome to what the health tech. Good morning. Thanks for joining us today and got a few questions for you. So I think we'll start with the obvious why Big Ian? Well, I'm a fraud because I'm not Big Ian anymore. I'm a some little gash. I'm like some sort of gymnast compared to what I used to be.

00:01:33:05 - 00:01:59:22
Unknown
I used to be 28 stone at a bouncer on North Street in Durham. £400. That is £400. And it was my job to break up fights and prevent fights with my sense of humor. It wasn't using the fact that that was the size of my house. It was the fact that I was good with people and I would make them laugh and I would make them realized, you know, what did we really want to do this?

00:01:59:24 - 00:02:22:16
Unknown
And so I always used my sense of humor to diffuse things and to distract. And it was a really good place to learn because the tough crowd is North Street in Durham in the late 1980s, and now I'm no longer 20 years doing it and I am a geisha like 16 stone seven. And so to be honest, when people see me as big and I walk in a room, nobody even turns in looks.

00:02:22:16 - 00:02:58:19
Unknown
Now, never mind gasps. I'm just a sort of tall bloke who looks a bit like Greg DAVIES or Deborah Breen, unfortunately. Fantastic. I mean, I obviously the people things in communications, a big piece up prior you were in education. Yeah. I left dominant and then I went to university in New York and trained to be a teacher. And I thought out of a leafy lane career teaching lovely kids in a lovely school and just do that and then retire and spend time in garden centers when I retire.

00:02:59:00 - 00:03:19:09
Unknown
And it never kind of worked out because nobody gave us a job. When I got my degree, I had a big black suit on. I walked into any interview and I was massive and I frighten people. I had a skinhead articulate and northeast accent and I looked like I could kill James Bond. And so nobody gave me the job.

00:03:19:11 - 00:03:47:13
Unknown
One guy even said, You are the man for the job today, but we're not going to give you it because I don't think I could manage you if we disagreed. That was where I got in my feedback and then I got my lecturer from college said to a school in York that we've got to get most natural communicate, most natural teacher that we've ever had kids loving debates, and nobody's giving them a job because they think it looks like bother, get him in for a morning.

00:03:47:15 - 00:04:14:23
Unknown
So a special school in York got me in for a morning and I left. Eight years later, I got no interview. It was just come in. And then they just kept asking me to come back tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow. Kept giving me a promotion. Promotion, promotion. And then I taught there. And until I was headhunted to teach and work for the Home Office, where I taught unteachable kids as they were deemed.

00:04:15:00 - 00:04:43:05
Unknown
And I went in and told them, I said, Right, apparently on Teachable, Do you fancy problem paper room? And so it was my job to be a positive male role role model for these kids and keep them in school and we had a great time. We got one skill from 18 permanent exclusions in a year down to zero, and that was the same year that my hair went from brown to just four men.

00:04:43:09 - 00:05:04:21
Unknown
BROWN because honestly, it was so hard. But as you can see, you do those tough jobs, right? Special Ed bouncer, all of these tough jobs. Can I be honest? I'm in a studio in Wakefield today recording a podcast. Believe me, I'm not getting called out the ground these days. I caught me teeth, early doors to do the nice stuff now.

00:05:04:23 - 00:05:31:09
Unknown
So? So. So what kind of I can see the kind of the Segway coming from how you are working and helping people I may be deemed to, you know, require help. I'll help the bullies as it was. Fraser The plunge into health care 2012 got headhunted, right? I was speaking at a conference and I said, it's a bit of a bold move at an education conference.

00:05:31:11 - 00:05:53:23
Unknown
I actually stood up and said, Skills, I've got it all wrong. My son is going to do the same exams as me Doug did in 1952, you know, nine all levels or GCSE or whatever, you change the name, but it's pretty much the same thing. And I was just hammering these round pegs into square halls all the time and that's all wrong.

00:05:54:00 - 00:06:14:06
Unknown
And so this guy heard the stuff I was talking about, about how we should make education fit to the kids themselves. And he says, Have you ever consider taking these ideas into dementia care? I went, No, it it went, Oh man, this would be amazing. So he says, How much do you want? He says, Because I want you.

00:06:14:08 - 00:06:34:10
Unknown
This isn't an interview. I want you. You tell me how much you want. So I gave him a figure even yet, and I just lost my mum. My mum had just died very quickly and I was. I was at a fork in the road. I thought this is come along is a bit of a present. This is a completely new stone.

00:06:34:13 - 00:06:53:07
Unknown
39. And I thought this is come along for a reason because some people are with you in your lives. They are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And this guy was there for a reason. And I thought, Yeah, I'll go for that. McVeigh's not going to disappear. So I jumped ship. I was going to be a head teacher.

00:06:53:07 - 00:07:14:00
Unknown
I was being fast tracked to be a teacher and it's been incredible the time I've had since been 39. It's I've been so lucky. People I meet, the things I get to do because because people just let me do what I want to do. They say, Have you got a great idea? Do it. And that's why the magic happened, because there's no parrot on me.

00:07:14:00 - 00:07:39:09
Unknown
Surely people give me complete freedom. I work for nobody. I work with everybody. And that is the difference. If you feel like you're owned by anybody, you cannot be creative. If you work with somebody by you can make magic happen. Yeah, no, I've answered that. I mean, it's something it's passionate to us. It read our health care in terms of working with people rather than being prescriptive.

00:07:39:11 - 00:08:09:19
Unknown
I mean, I've heard you you speak on many occasions. And one of the kind of things that you've always said is you'll make people laugh, you'll make people cry, but you'll make people think that's a real challenge. When and we had a conversation before this is to make sure people are engaged. I think from your perspective, can you think of something that you almost the most emotional talk that you've given that really affected you all had an impact that you've felt on on the audience listening?

00:08:09:21 - 00:08:35:11
Unknown
Well, this is really fresh out the box, really. I spoke at the NCF conference at Warwickshire of the week and it was the first time back in the room for all these managers who basically had been on desert islands for two years and I'd had to delve in the depths of themselves I think that none of them had signed up for and it was amazing to see them in in the room together.

00:08:35:13 - 00:08:59:02
Unknown
And so get this talk about it was called You Don't Get It, because I don't think they do get it because they know this has been so tight against the pending for two years. They've been on a rollercoaster that the things come in like Alton Towers and then they've just set off and gone and they've had no time to reflect.

00:08:59:02 - 00:09:31:01
Unknown
They've had no time to. It's like I've been in a car crash and not understood it. And so we have this talk and I told them just every morning on your bedside table, there's something you can't say, but you need to grab. I said, You've got a medal. You can't say we need to put it on every day, because if you're still getting up and you're still going to work, no matter how good what you are, you've got 100% survival record and they're still in the game.

00:09:31:03 - 00:09:56:09
Unknown
And we need to celebrate that. And at the end of this talk, I did this song called Lift You Up, which is all about what Candles, beautiful song one of my mates wrote at night to remember. And I made them all cry and I made them all laugh. And I met them all. You know, one woman came up to me and she went, You've made me think about me.

00:09:56:11 - 00:10:16:21
Unknown
Now, that's some review. So at the end I thought, Well, that's been an 11 out of ten. Couldn't have been better. Oh, that was amazing. So the room was totally moved and then something happened that I never saw coming because I hold all the cards when I'm doing a talk, right? I decide on the feel in the room.

00:10:16:23 - 00:10:44:12
Unknown
Nobody else. And then something happened. 130 people all got out their seats, tears running down their faces, massive standing ovation. My eyes went as glossy as if I'd been watching a boxset of DIY suits and long lost family. Right with a bit of repair shop thrown in. And I just thought, I don't. I think you'll cry. And really I had to hold it back because it was so emotional and it was so powerful.

00:10:44:18 - 00:11:11:17
Unknown
And what it was, it was just like an adrenaline hangover. And it was everybody suddenly realized, well, if we go through this, how are we still in the game? They still are. And that is why all my mates oh, we tell them what we told them to today. You all, you always groan about meeting really cool people cos I make really cool people and that's why and most speakers talk about them, you know.

00:11:11:17 - 00:11:39:01
Unknown
Oh, look at my life. I've had a tough time. I've done this. Oh, look at this. This happened to me. You know, I used to be I went to prison and now I haven't. Give us a prize. Right. Well other nobody ever write, and I've helped lots of people and I like to celebrate and shine a torch on the achievements of the people in front of me and show them the person that everybody else sees, what they really do.

00:11:39:03 - 00:12:05:21
Unknown
And that's why I do it now. It's powerful stuff. I think that it's a kind of natural link in so I know something that you're immensely passionate about is loneliness, and I know you've got involved in various campaigns. I mean, you know, from your perspective because, you know, do you experience that, you know, whilst you're sharing and celebrating other people's experiences or helping them, sometimes you can neglect yourself.

00:12:05:23 - 00:12:24:04
Unknown
And then the second part is, you know, what is it you're doing in this space? You know, raising awareness, You know, some of the amazing things, if you can share those, right? Well, the thing is, I work by myself. It's me in a phone. I get to dip into other people's communities and then I get to dip out, which is quite nice.

00:12:24:06 - 00:12:48:13
Unknown
And but cannot be right. Recently, I did four weeks where I was working on projects that was me and a MacBook right on my lap. Right with a lot of tools and I just thought I'd seen anybody for a while. I felt like doing a Tom Hanks thing and having a football with a with a face on it, you know, and I thought, goodness me, they should listen to this in Venice.

00:12:48:15 - 00:13:11:07
Unknown
But recently on Dragon's Den, Pete Jones had a guy on who made accessories for bikes so you can turn a bike into an exercise bike. And this bloke was there and they all sat there on their thrones and he says, Right, so this business has made 300 grand and what have you done with the money went well. I haven't spending even.

00:13:11:09 - 00:13:37:00
Unknown
So what do you do with a week. And even when I worked three days a week in a bike shop, you know, Do you own the bike shop? We went, No, I just work there because they are short staffed and I work in the bike shop three days a week. So you've made 300 grand in the last year out of this bike accessory event and invented and he and Peter Jones flippantly said, Are you lonely or something?

00:13:37:02 - 00:14:15:12
Unknown
And this bloke turned round to this massive six foot six multimillionaire and went, Yeah. And suddenly I had to backpedal and all the all of the dragons suddenly realized, Wow, this is it. And loneliness is a pandemic that nobody's looking for a vaccine for. And it kills people. It kills people. There's loneliness. And I'm writing a new book that's called Hello, which is all about the most significant five letters in our lives because we control Hello.

00:14:15:14 - 00:14:42:00
Unknown
We have little saying goodbye. And so I'm writing a book to combat loneliness that shows people, you know, the 7.54 billion people in this world. Why do you think you've got to stop like I'm 51? Why do I have to not have any more friends? A lot of people think like they're my friends. That's what I've got. You don't do the same with wallpaper.

00:14:42:02 - 00:14:58:14
Unknown
If you fancy a change of wallpaper, you change it. And so, you know, we need to get out this idea that when your mum was, when you were little and your mum said, Whatever you do, worry, don't talk to strangers. Well, if you don't talk to strangers, I'm not you. My kids don't have shoes. Your kids don't have shoes, right?

00:14:58:16 - 00:15:24:08
Unknown
You know, we need to meet new people and we need to open our world. So we've done lots of things. I do think dementia is a team game, which I think to highlight people who may live alone or people who care for somebody living with dementia and trying to bring people together. We do a thing in your Christmas presents, which is AM, which is a little idea.

00:15:24:09 - 00:15:47:07
Unknown
Me had came up with it. I was at a dementia café in York and we broke up Peter and Pete. It was a good laugh, like an hour, Bill said to Peter, So what you doing at Christmas? Peter? And he went, Well, my wife's died on me too soon. This one has got a good job in France and the other one works in computers in San Francisco.

00:15:47:07 - 00:16:08:00
Unknown
So it's just me, doc, through an email for one an hour. Bill when that's your only son. So he came out. I went in the car with me and our bill and our money, and he goes, So what are you going to do about that? Then, Dad? What do you mean, pages by himself on Christmas Day? What are you going to do about it?

00:16:08:00 - 00:16:30:01
Unknown
I mean, how don't. How is it my what? When did it become my job to everybody? We could do it. We could help one, couldn't we? Done? We could have. We could have Christmas Dad with us, He says, Why not? Even better, Why don't we get a load of people down who otherwise would be alone on Christmas Day and give them a big family Christmas together?

00:16:30:03 - 00:16:51:07
Unknown
And then I looked at him and I went, That'll be a lot of work, but it would be Ace. So we set up Christmas presents. I got on Twitter. I said, I've drawn this daft logo and somebody design it for now I've got budget of now I'm doing this budget of note. I'm going to feed paper with a budget of now I'm going to black stuff.

00:16:51:09 - 00:17:15:07
Unknown
And we did and we started it. And 2015 I put the thing out on Facebook in York that said wanted people to give up Christmas Day and work really out for out. Now, a lot of the look at me is, as I would call them, look at me, look at me. I'm doing nice things. Look at me. I'm nowhere to be seen.

00:17:15:09 - 00:17:42:03
Unknown
And to a lot of people I've never met a now who I would take a bullet for people. It were incredible. I've got a couple called and David and Beverly Lonsdale in York. I am not joking you. I have never met people that the whole constitution. It's like that like hearts on legs this note I can't ask them to do that They won't do.

00:17:42:05 - 00:18:05:14
Unknown
They are the reason Christmas presents happens. Not me. I have become a figurehead, a mouse, a blogger, and I'm a good blogger. They are the detail, they are the minutia, they are the everything. And I've got this team of people now and they will run through brick walls for me. And I was a total stranger. You mentioned that in that dimension was a team guy.

00:18:05:14 - 00:18:34:19
Unknown
I want to come back to that book, just going back to the loneliness thing and Dragons Den. Apologies. I can't remember that. It's the new dragon that's in Stephen, which he is even split. So he was interviewing Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peters, and he's he's a philosopher, he's well-respected, but he's he can be opinionated about certain things and he's grown in stature, you know, people are aware of him, his firm, etc., right at the very start.

00:18:34:21 - 00:18:56:14
Unknown
And Stephen said, before I do anything, I just want to ask, how are you? And he he became emotional and started crying and he said brilliant and terrible. And it was you know, I think it is that, you know, just taking a moment to ask somebody, you know, how were you, you know, engaging with people. But coming back to the dementia, you said it's a team game.

00:18:56:16 - 00:19:24:22
Unknown
Can you can you explain a little bit more about that? Yeah. And when I was younger and I mean Dan a dementia and he won't call dementia then I mean there was another day D-word and non additionally she was doing only not dementia and you know she struggled with loads of stuff. She'd been through a tough life. She got stroke she died of a she you know, had a really tough life, really tough life.

00:19:24:22 - 00:19:45:01
Unknown
A mum died when she was four. She had to bring a pair, two brothers and look after a dad. And so me mum look after me being done with dementia and I could always talk to me. Now I spend lots of time and I could always tell when she was trying to go for it but would miss it.

00:19:45:03 - 00:20:04:03
Unknown
She took about of in a Black Forest grotto, right. She'd say, Oh that, you know, I watch that snooker player, Duke Lovejoy, she'd always get things, one of them and she'd always, she'd be saying, Oh, you know, that film. And I would be somehow everyone. You said, Oh, can you just work out what you know, once I would.

00:20:04:05 - 00:20:37:09
Unknown
And should you know her that little moment? Well, Margaret Rutherford. Margaret Rutherford. And everyone would say, How do you know what you're not singing? And I've used that little skill, that second guess, that scene where I think somebody is aiming for, then say, my name is. And that's been amazing with the people I speak to every day. Everyone says, if you talk to Old Faithful and old women like their women like their lasses, I went because that the lasses, if you know, nobody thinks they're old, really.

00:20:37:11 - 00:21:05:17
Unknown
Right? And if you ask the question of what edge do you get old? Well, when we we saga holidays by the way, Saga holidays are for over fifties. Can you believe that it was going on a Saturday that 50 not May but I mean I know then my mother in law was diagnosed with onset dementia in her fifties and me my wife was beyond phenomenal and caring for her mum.

00:21:05:17 - 00:21:38:06
Unknown
I just incredible but not unsinkable and so we had that. And Liz passed away just before the pandemic, thankfully for everybody. And and then my dad at 80 had a stroke. And my dad, as would have been the clever bloke I've ever met now. But unfortunately, dementia went in these 86. There's loads less of him, but he's left me with all the bits that I'm using every day.

00:21:38:08 - 00:22:00:12
Unknown
If you were to meet my dad years ago and see me in front of you now, you'd go, Yeah, I think it's fair to say that she's dead. No paternity test required. I even move like him. So what we've done with the dementia is a team game. I made amazing people who don't deserve the kind of cards have been dealt.

00:22:00:14 - 00:22:32:16
Unknown
They've had the memories removed. Every day you get up to make amends. Memories. That's all you do. That's basically the gig. What? It's. What's life. Life is getting up, making connections with people that make you feel great and storing all of those memories because that's you stop what that makes you and then have them stolen. And then I would say if somebody doesn't know who you are and then they lose your most, you know, lose your favorite holidays, lose everything you've worked for, lose the job that you used to do, lose all those things there in the courtroom, in the will that would do it.

00:22:32:18 - 00:23:03:21
Unknown
And yet it happens to people every day. And so I think that those people who lose their voice need somebody to give them a voice. Now, there are some people in the dementia community or care who do that, but they don't give a representative voice. There are still people, you know, were fantastic communicators, right? And they write books and all this sort of thing, but they're not representative of a lot of people who are living with dementia and a and a caring for people with dementia.

00:23:03:21 - 00:23:27:16
Unknown
So we have to give a very real a very real outlook of what is the this is saying, you know, you don't suffer from dementia, you live well with dementia. All this, I think what I've seen people suffer with dementia. So I'm not one to sugarcoat things. I've seen people do a good job with it. I've seen people really struggle and really it and so I think we have to have some reality, some truth, and we need to represent people.

00:23:27:16 - 00:23:50:17
Unknown
So I've made a lot of films with people who are living with dementia, and they've been used all over the world to help people and to educate people and to be used for nothing. There is nothing that I have ever made is a film that has to be subscribed for or paid for or bought or anything. They're out there, they're free to use.

00:23:50:19 - 00:24:25:13
Unknown
There was a favor. They were my ideas in my pocket pickpocket me using. And they used in Australia. They used in America, they used in South Africa, they used in Norway, they used everywhere. And that is why you have good ideas, because a good idea is no good in my pocket. And so everything everything that I find out, everything I learn from talking to somebody who's living with dementia, I get out there and that's why I wrote a book called The Dementia that's in every library, and that I was speaking at a conference.

00:24:25:13 - 00:24:48:01
Unknown
The National Dementia Congress and guy called Richard Hawkins came up at the end. I did a 35 minute talk and he went, Wow, if you can turn that into a book, I'll publish it tomorrow. So you are joking about, Let's have a cup of tea. We had a cup of tea a month later after I'd written it, illustrated it all that sort of thing.

00:24:48:03 - 00:25:23:06
Unknown
This little book, the same size. It missed him book got put lished. Angela Rippon was at the launch. She's written the new forward to it and it's been sold in 24 countries. It's in every library and it's being translated into Welsh because apparently Welsh speakers weren't being sort of helped in Wales. So somebody came up to me at the home country conference and said at the end of my talk, how much would it cost to for us to translate and print your book and get into libraries in Wales?

00:25:23:06 - 00:26:00:06
Unknown
And I went, Well, it'll cost you now. I said, Because that would be amazing. And so that's what I do. I, I meet lovely people who deserve better. And so I try with the paper to try and celebrate the brilliant people that are out there changing lives. And I meet plenty people who are just incredible, like in this, in in the world of care, there's people like there's a lady called Ross Hayes, there's people like Anita at Wren Hall, all these people.

00:26:00:08 - 00:26:20:00
Unknown
And they do they do things differently. They do the same things differently, and they're not scared of a deaf, dumb idea. London Maids has a row of a 200 cut in half. It's the front half and it's bolted to a brick wall. You can get it up, you can clean it, you can change the tires, you can get into it.

00:26:20:00 - 00:26:45:09
Unknown
So all the guys that used to be mechanics, I used to wear the cars. It's there in the garden now. They could have had a lovely flower bed, but they haven't. They've got a row of Italian wood. Enough. There you go. How cool is that. So. So there's they'll just go out and play the car. Fantastic. It's all about ideas and people and connections and we need to celebrate that because Care now is collaborative.

00:26:45:11 - 00:27:06:05
Unknown
It used to be it used to be the clever kid at school who covers their answers. And now care is all about collaboration and coming together and sharing good practice and sharing dreadful practice and holding the hands when they get it room right, holding the hands up when they get it wrong, and then just sharing all of it.

00:27:06:08 - 00:27:47:13
Unknown
And that's what is caring is sharing now and it's changed in the last ten years. People are more collaborative and with things like Twitter, with things like LinkedIn, there is this real lovely support of community. And I would say anybody with any interest in dementia care really needs to get on the Twitter, right? Just follow the people because their ideas are out there and the world's a small place now is that I suppose that was kind of my next question, which is if you take loneliness and dementia and something you're passionate about, you know, how can our listeners, you know, people out there, what can we do to help?

00:27:47:15 - 00:28:15:06
Unknown
Is it you mentioned that about being engaged with Twitter, social media, LinkedIn, those kind of things, something easier. You can't change the world. You can have an impact on your street and the people who you know, the person who lives down the street, don't let them be the little old woman with the with the Staffordshire Bull terrier. Let it be Barbara, and then find out about Barbara and find out if Barbara needs out.

00:28:15:08 - 00:28:35:05
Unknown
And like June. I think the pandemic was was a thing. It was like going back in time to a simpler time. It reminded me a lot of growing up in town. So I guess, you know, from a mining village in the north east and everybody knows everybody in terror, we've got about 12, everybody knows everybody kick one, they all limp.

00:28:35:07 - 00:28:55:14
Unknown
And that was what I was st was like in York. So there was a guy up the street or a motorbike and there was an older bloke but he had a motorbike and I got out and then he became George. And then he became George who I went in to see, I forget. And then it was George who I had a cup of tea with and it was Georgie without a flying license from 1970.

00:28:55:14 - 00:29:16:08
Unknown
And that was George who nearly died in 1978. If he hadn't, you know, had a fluke in London. And that's George who treated cancer four times. And that was George, who then, you know, built something for me house, a sign for me, my house. And then I bumped into Steve, and Steve was a widower whose wife and I used to teach with.

00:29:16:11 - 00:29:36:16
Unknown
And Steve got his way out, and we used to get McCarry on a Friday night and we would all the summer. And then he made us a lot of mugs that were bespoke to us, and it was community coming together. And I think just given, I don't know when me dad got dementia in town or me Dad used to take it all of Weardale right?

00:29:36:18 - 00:30:09:14
Unknown
Dad went to Wolsingham skill and he left when he was 18. He went to Sheffield for two years and they came back to teach early March and he retired four years later. And when my dad got dementia and they realized he couldn't go around to the North Point, which was the pub that used to go and I was dinner is I tell you, they would get me Dad's dinner every day, walk across the road, round the back streets, tell where I was dead.

00:30:09:16 - 00:30:34:12
Unknown
I would always be open, always knocking like, No, no, it really did bring me Dad's dinner on like a 5:00 bulletin. So it set my dad's dinner table and my dad would have his tea every night from there. And they basically just judged him. They said they know exactly what he wants every different day. And also they charge him just the same as if he'd gone to the pub, right.

00:30:34:14 - 00:31:01:10
Unknown
And the hairdressers. Hairdressers. Barber Right. Brian Who'd been the barber for years. And so like Charlie had his equity ages, so he used to put a thing in the window that said, Don't put Charlie's X7 near me, Dad got to cut Charlie's hair will be half an hour away if we get to Logan, Right? And that's what he did and that was community and the next door neighbor's next door neighbors would have a key.

00:31:01:11 - 00:31:25:15
Unknown
The new me dad was struggling. And what they do is the check on a night. They say, right, you want to lock the door. So they would just go out Rocky's door. They do me Dad's bins. Check that my dad's bins are all right. Checked. Everything was fine. And one thing I noticed when I went home recently, because my dad's now living in a home in in the north east, our backyards, because we didn't have gardens.

00:31:25:15 - 00:31:48:05
Unknown
We talked to them. I never noticed this. They have low walls. They have walls at the height that you can lean on and talk like Les Dawson used to deal with the restrictions of his women with Roy Barraclough. And I suddenly realized that was my childhood, it was community, it was people talking to one another and listening to one.

00:31:48:07 - 00:32:09:19
Unknown
And all I would say is, given that the people that live around here and think about which food you throw away. And Woody, earlier, if you're making a ginger cake or a chocolate cake, they just get a third of it. Just wrap it in France infancy. Try this. Right. I've read this because I'll tell you what nobody's going to say.

00:32:09:23 - 00:32:35:07
Unknown
No, I don't want to take chocolate cake and that's it. Little connections. And it just starts a conversation. And it means that nobody's a stranger. And that's and with the Christmas presents thing during the June 2020, we weren't allowed to do it. And I just put a thing up and said, we can't do it too dangerous. Do me a favor.

00:32:35:09 - 00:33:02:24
Unknown
Sort of Christmas dinner, the next door neighbor. Right. All of you just do it. And that was amazing. Then the next year, 2021, we weren't allowed to do a big party as we normally do. So we went around individual homes. We did 80 people's homes on Christmas Day, and it was beyond words. It was beautiful. But we turned up my stupid social distance and then all of a sudden it was man.

00:33:03:01 - 00:33:25:11
Unknown
So what I would say is you can either go on about bekind became do or tache to hashtag bekind. You know, stop talking about it. You know, do something about it, be about it, and it's not hard. And I tell you what, it's an addiction. If you start, there were nice things, right? It's a really selfish thing. Everyone thinks, Oh, he's a nice block.

00:33:25:11 - 00:33:43:19
Unknown
It was nice things. Rubbish, right? I get a big kick out of it. I get a rush out of it. Like I cannot tell you I gave up drinking five years ago because I had to write some books and I needed to be like sharp as a tack all the time. It is an addiction, is doing nice things and you can be the most selfish bloke in the world.

00:33:43:21 - 00:34:05:13
Unknown
Do nice things because you gain from it. You win the people, you help win everybody around, you win. If somebody looks on and thinks, Why is he doing that? Oh, I'll have to go at that myself. It's contagious and it is the best thing I know. I think it I love that line. I think it's a great takeaway is that, you know, you said you can't change the world, but you can change straight.

00:34:05:18 - 00:34:29:17
Unknown
I think, you know, just look, you know, in your own community, powerful stuff genuinely is kind of something we ask everybody that comes on here is to share a moment. I submit this can be something that's a little strange, a little weird, a bit of fun, something funny, a moment that you've had across all your experiences within health care.

00:34:29:19 - 00:34:57:08
Unknown
Is there a moment that you can pick out? This just took you by surprise a little bit. It was funny. It was strange. Whatever. You just share just one experience, right? There was a guy called Ian in Nottingham and he was a big guy in his sixties and he had a thing called an PSP and, and it's something super nuclear palsy.

00:34:57:10 - 00:35:26:09
Unknown
Basically he lost the ability to communicate, so he's almost like trapped in there and he was a lovely both of these Nottingham Forest loved his Nottingham forest and he really connected with me so we couldn't talk but every time he saw me he would grab me hands and really, really shake me hand as if to say we're all right at Mania because he was he was a big Ian and I was a big in and he was a just kind of there was a connection.

00:35:26:09 - 00:35:53:15
Unknown
It was a lovely thing. And I took him up in helicopter. I took him off a helicopter, got loads of. Yeah. As I said, I asked the Lord, I said what do you want to do. And they all said would love to go up in helicopter. I said, I've got a mate who's in Eskridge who's got helicopters. I won't ask the question so I save a question, he says I'll fly down to Nottingham also.

00:35:53:15 - 00:36:23:18
Unknown
That will take him up and it was amazing. And then at the end he just, he just dropped stage and just shook and he just went, was really quiet now Steve And he died not, not long later it was Christmas and I went down with a guitar to do some Christmas singalong and his daughter was there, she was about to go shopping in Nottingham.

00:36:23:20 - 00:36:47:17
Unknown
She said, Oh, Ian said, Oh, I'm so pleased you're here. She went, I found some things and I got talking to my mum about Tim, about my dad and they, they met at a, at a Paul Young concert. I think it's Paul Newman. Yeah. And I was going to be singing Away in a Manger and Silent Night and all this sort of thing and Jingle Bells.

00:36:47:19 - 00:37:10:03
Unknown
I just went, I know wherever I lay my heart as a song and I knew every time you go away, but I don't know it on guitar. So I went right down the corridor out the way, some playing, some, you know, I'm thinking, Right, well, that's a G. I think that's an E minor G and then a D, and then it goes to a C and that's it.

00:37:10:05 - 00:37:35:17
Unknown
That's. That's wherever I lay my heart out. I'm just every time we go away. So. D So anyway, I went back and I said singing and he hadn't said anything for ages. Now, if there's anywhere with this podcast, you can add some extra bit. I can give you the footage that shows this moment. And so we started singing.

00:37:35:19 - 00:38:02:14
Unknown
Every time you go away and he's joined in in really quietly at the end it is the spirit. He goes in his croaky voice because every time you go away, you take a piece of me and he grabbed his own shirt with you. Oh, and and then his daughter came in from the side because we videoed this thing.

00:38:02:16 - 00:38:27:10
Unknown
She came in from the side it up. So it's and was just so excited. She went believe I can't breathe. And honestly, I just could have gone. I could have gone. It was amazing. It showed that music can cut through the fog and it's not about music, it's about one person's music. And you can't tell by looking at somebody what songs are going to ignite them.

00:38:27:12 - 00:38:50:19
Unknown
And that was the most beautiful, beautiful, moving thing. And I'll take that to the grave. I actually then I officiated Ian's funeral. I did it all. So the family just said, We want you to do it. I think I get given some real strange phone calls. Me, you know, really, it's not, you know. Oh, by the way. And can you just do me Dad's funeral?

00:38:50:19 - 00:39:15:07
Unknown
Oh, God. Yeah. So that was amazing. It blew me socks off, and it showed me the power of music and the power of people's history. And even though even though you think somebody's locked out, they can maybe just still have a foot in the door. Yeah, that's powerful. I love that story. I'd love to see the footage. I'll show it.

00:39:15:09 - 00:39:38:17
Unknown
Thanks for joining us this weekend. And thanks to you all for listening. Next week, we're going to hear a bit more from Ian and his most recent project, A Pocket Full of Kindness. Don't forget to read and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. And if you have any questions for our guests, please email. What the Health Tech app read on Healthcare dot com.

00:39:38:19 - 00:39:52:15
Unknown
Ian, thank you very much. Thank you.

S1: EP 002: Dementia is a team game
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